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16-Sep-2014 19:29

They are as human as the rest of us, but they are tasked with coping with human frailty in a souped-up overly permissive world.PART 7: From 'Hi' to 'I Do' in a Year » Let's talk first (and briefly) about the decision whether to marry a particular person.Assuming this "cardinal rule of engagement," let's look at some God-honoring, useful ways to spend this unique time.In terms of how to spend your time and what to talk about, the main concerns should be to prepare for marriage, to avoid temptation and to keep in mind that That simply means keeping basically the same constraints on the settings in which you spent time together before you were engaged.That makes it difficult to tell what percentage of the reason for a divorce may be too short an engagement, but it sure doesn’t help. During the honeymoon phase of any relationship, often the entire first year, couples tend to find it pretty easy to agree with their partner on many things, even everything.

Are the things that you have come to see about your partner which annoy you tolerable enough and are they heavily outweighed by the things you like in them?This combination increases the likelihood that a couple will charge into romance, heat up quickly, feel like they’ve found the one and get engaged.Unfortunately, it also means neither may know each other all that well, nor have any idea how they will weather storms as a couple — resulting in a vulnerable marriage. Adding to the rapid fire “we just met” to “we are getting married” is the stress of celebrity life, lots of travel and time apart, often surrounded by much temptation in the form of other flirtations as well as alcohol and drugs (a bad combination in terms of fidelity). Marriages that last are those between people who have found a lot of common ground, and where there is not common ground, it’s between people that have found out they are capable of negotiating and compromising with each other.But more often, one half of the couple longs to be married and the other doesn’t. Resentments build, and an endless push-me-pull-you ensues where either you break up, having wasted many years in emotional misery, or you manage to force your partner to marry. Again, there are some circumstances that call for a long engagement for good reasons.

Couples who met when they were young and want to stay together but also want to develop careers, be financially stable and have a better sense of self before they marry can benefit from having “engagement” as the label that tells the world and each other they plan to stay together and marry when they are ready.We asked psychiatrist Gail Saltz to weigh in on the idea of planning to get married after a whirlwind romance.



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