How soon dating after spouse death
The question of whether you can put a timespan on grief is especially pertinent for Michelle Heidstra.
Just four weeks after her husband died, Michelle fell in love with his best friend, Adrian Mc Collin, a pall bearer at the funeral. Their relationship is testament, says Michelle, to just how much she loved her husband, Jon.
'That was the moment when we could have cracked,' admits Michelle. We decided that while there was life, there was hope. To him, that would have been an admission of defeat.' But, the fear was still clearly at the back of both their minds. 'It may seem rash, but I knew that, if the worst happened and I lost Jon, I wanted to have a part of him in my life. He said he wanted to leave something of himself behind - it was the first time he'd ever mentioned the possibility of dying.' Their son, Sam, was born in December 2004. Holding him, Jon burst into tears and admitted that he didn't know whether he was crying with joy or sadness because he knew he might not see his son grow up.
Five months later, hospital tests revealed that the tumour was back. He opted to have gruelling bouts of chemotherapy and radiotherapy to prolong his life. Eventually Jon initiated a conversation about the future and, in particular, the chance of Michelle finding love again.
How long should she wait before shedding all the black and in mouring clothing? There is a LOT of kinds of "dating." Until you spell out details, my answer will be along the lines that "everyone should start socially interacting instantly with other people after a major event." And, "don't make any deep or long term commitments while under the stress of heavy emotional disruptions of ANY kind." We humans are emotionally frail beings.
Then, two weeks later, he had a seizure in bed - his eyes rolled into the back of his head, his whole body shook and he was foaming at the mouth. Jon was taken to Hull Royal Infirmary, where scans revealed he had a large brain tumour. I think he decided then that whatever fate threw at him, he would cope. 'I'm not a quitter and, although the relationship was still new, I already knew I was falling in love,' she says.